Setting boundaries is often a practice reserved for adults, but a five-year-old boy has been praised for establishing one with his aunt.
Trauma therapist Simone Saunders, based in Calgary, Alberta, shared the story of how her nephew told her she was expressing her love for him too much.
“My nephew told me that I tell him that I love him too much,” she said in her Instagram reel. Initially surprised, as her nephew is someone who “loves love,” she remained open to the conversation.
When Saunders asked her nephew how it made him feel, he responded, “It feels overwhelming.”
@thecognitivecorner
Saunders didn’t dismiss or invalidate his feelings, as many adults might. Responses like, “You shouldn’t feel that way, I’m just expressing my love for you” or “there are other kids whose families don’t tell them that they love them” could be common reactions when kids set boundaries.
Instead, Saunders took a different route and said in her reel, “Thank you for telling me that. I didn’t realize it made you feel that way.” She then asked him what he would prefer instead and his simple request was, “just once a day.”
Saunders, who goes by @thecognitivecorner on Instagram, agreed to respect the boundary her five-year-old nephew set for her, letting him know she would do her best to monitor how often she says, “I love you.”
She also anticipated that some might criticize this decision, arguing that children don’t always know what’s best for them, but Saunders sees things differently. “Children often do know exactly what they want because they are more in tune with themselves. Over time, our experiences within our family or in society often causes us to disconnect from what we truly want and need,” she said in the reel.
Saunders’ reel clocked up over 670,000 views and asked other Instagram users for their thoughts in the comments.
“This is all I wanted as a kid. To say how I felt and instead of people trying to convince me I didn’t, or that it didn’t matter, or that I should feel differently. Now I am an adult who is learning to deal with emotions in middle age because I didn’t have the opportunity when I was young,” one Instagram user shared.
Others applauded the five-year-old for knowing how to articulate his feelings to Saunders. “First off, the fact that he felt safe enough to tell you this is incredible. And two, he knows that you love him in so many other ways in order for him to say that he only wants that verbal confirmation once a day,” another wrote.
“You’re a great Auntie. Autonomy at every age is crucial,” another commented.
“When we feel safe enough to openly communicate these things, it allows us to foster an authentic relationship that isn’t just based off of what I want,” Saunders concluded in her reel.
“Just because it’s something sweet doesn’t mean you can’t have too much of it,” she said.
Newsweek reached out to Simone Saunders via email. We could not verify details of the case.
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