A viral Reddit post has left the internet outraged after a man shared that his wife secretly stopped taking birth control, leading to an unplanned pregnancy.
In the September 23 post titled “AITAH [Am I the A******] for telling my wife I’m not as excited about the pregnancy since she stopped taking birth control without telling me? the 30-year-old husband asked, detailing his shock and disappointment at discovering his wife made the decision without his knowledge or consent.
User AdamOfPeople explained that he and his wife, married for three years, had agreed to wait a bit longer before starting a family. The post that has 7,700 upvotes states they were enjoying their lives, traveling, and focusing on their careers with the understanding that children were part of their future, just not yet.
A stock image of a sad pregnant woman and a stressed man. Reddit users have sympathized with a man after his wife became pregnant after she stopped taking birth control without telling him.
chameleonseye/iStock/Getty Images Plus
“A couple of months ago, she told me she was pregnant. I was surprised—happy for her, but definitely surprised. When I asked her how it happened, she confessed that she’d gone off birth control without mentioning it because she ‘felt ready’ and thought I’d be fine with it once the baby was on the way,” he wrote.
While he was happy for his wife, he admitted he wasn’t as excited as she was because the decision felt one-sided. “I get that people change their minds, but it kinda feels like the decision was made for me,” he noted, highlighting his feelings of exclusion from a major life decision.
The man’s honest response to his wife—telling her that he wasn’t as enthusiastic because they hadn’t made the decision together—has caused friction in their marriage.
“I told her it felt more like her decision than ours, and now she’s upset, saying I’m acting distant and cold about the whole thing,” he wrote.
‘A Rocky Foundation for Future Parenting Decisions,’ Expert Warns
Newsweek reached out to Emma Loker, a psychotherapeutic counselor and founder of MindWrite, a mental-health writing agency based in Cambridgeshire, U.K., for her expert opinion on the impact of unilateral parenting decisions on relationships.
“Parenting is one of, if not the biggest, commitment two people can make in their lives. So, it goes without saying that both parents should be mentally ready, if possible,” she said, “Trust forms in a relationship when there is mutual respect and transparency. Each parent should be able to trust the other’s judgment and decision-making.
“Unfortunately, when this woman decided to secretly stop using contraception, she damaged the trust in their relationship. This may create a rocky foundation for all of their parenting decisions, moving forward. Rather than feeling like a team, they both may act independently, which could create a conflictual and potentially emotionally damaging environment for their child.”
Loker stressed the importance of discussing family values and fears before deciding to have children, suggesting that couples should ask each other questions like, “What are your biggest fears about having a child?” and “What qualities do you think we should teach our child?”
These conversations help ensure both partners are aligned and prepared for the challenges ahead.
The plot thickens for this man as his partner has also turned to the popular forum for advice, however her post hasn’t gained much traction.
Sharing her side of the story, u/NEVIEEEEE wrote: “I thought that once I got pregnant, he would come around and be excited about starting a family. I thought it was worth the risk because I genuinely believe he would want kids once he got used to the idea.”
According to the original post, the man’s friends are divided on the issue; some believe he should move past his feelings and embrace the pregnancy, while others agree that his wife should have communicated her intentions beforehand.
Reddit Reacts
So far, more than 4,000 users have chimed in with a range of opinions, many emphasizing the importance of consent and communication in a partnership.
“NTA [Not the A******] This should have been a mutual decision. She blindsided you after the fact,” said one comment with 7,300 upvotes.
Another said: “She was selfish and wanted what she wanted right then and there and you could have disrupted what she wanted with your opinion…. she never even thought of how it would make you feel and this will probably happen with various things in the future again if you let it…”
Newsweek reached out to u/AdamOfPeople and u/NEVIEEEEE for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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