A poster on Reddit has gone viral after seeking advice on whether she should break up with her fiance to let him be with her sister, and fury erupted when the truth about their relationship emerged.
What u/PlaneThrowRA uncovered left readers shocked. Newsweek spoke to family and couple’s therapist Debra Castaldo about how the original poster (OP) can move forward.
In the post, the 25-year-old woman wrote that she had been engaged to her fiance for about a month when she began noticing unsettling dynamics between him and her older sister, Tara.
Described as outgoing and beautiful, she had seemingly bonded with OP’s fiance in a way that made her feel like the odd one out in her own relationship.
The OP revealed how her family frequently made comments suggesting her fiance and sister were better suited for each other.
A woman holds a wedding ring and appears sad. A Reddit post has gone viral after woman debated breaking up with her fiance so that he could be with her sister.
Siarhei Khaletski/Getty Images
“My mom constantly makes comments like, ‘Tara and your fiance just have so much in common,'” the OP wrote. Her father had even joked that Tara would be more on her fiance’s “level,” suggesting the OP might be holding him back. These comments, along with Tara’s interest in spending time alone with her fiance, made the OP question whether she should step aside. She wrote that she believes her family means well.
Reddit users quickly rallied behind her but urged her not to take such a drastic action without speaking to her fiance first.
“They do not mean well. Period. In fact, I wouldn’t trust them, and I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister tries something. You need to have a convo with your fiance immediately,” u/mak_zaddy wrote.
Another user, u/AhhhItsASnake, shared disbelief at OP’s situation: “I can’t imagine watching your own family actively trying to ruin your relationship and thinking they mean well.”
In an update, the OP decided to confront her fiance, and the truth that emerged was even worse than she had feared.
She wrote: “I confronted my now ex-fiance. He was sleeping with my sister, and my entire family knew.” She closed the post by thanking commenters for their support and writing that she was “done with this site for now.”
An expert weighs in
Family and couple’s therapist Debra Castaldo spoke to Newsweek about the situation, describing the family’s behavior as emotionally abusive.
“No question, what this family has done is emotional abuse of their daughter and/or sister,” she said. “The total disregard for her relationship and her well-being is astounding and beyond dysfunctional.”
Castaldo noted deeply rooted toxicity within the family and speculated on potential dynamics.
“Encouraging her sister and her fiance to get together, or even just suggesting that they are a better and more perfect match screams to me gaslighting and untreated mental illness in this family,” she said. “There is a total lack of appropriate boundaries, disdain for her and an emotional assault on her self-esteem.”
She added that this level of emotional abuse likely had a long history, perhaps with OP’s family pitting her and her sister against each other from a young age. Given these factors, Castaldo suggested something drastic.
“Although family cutoff is usually the last resort in toxic relationships, I would praise her for her decision to remove herself from this harmful family,” Castaldo said. “If family members are harming you more than helping you, then it is time to disengage. No one deserves the type of disrespect she received, from those who are supposed to love and protect her the most.”
For now, OP has stepped away from Reddit, but her story has sent shock waves through the community as users witnessed the situation unfold, and continue to comment.
Newsweek reached out to u/PlaneThrowRA on Reddit for comment.
