A bride-to-be has sparked anger among her friends after deciding they would not be invited to her “tiny destination wedding” while still expecting a lavish bachelorette party.
For many soon-to-be-wed couples, bachelor and bachelorette parties represent an important part of the marriage process. They provide an opportunity to blow off steam, connect with old friends and have fun before the stress often associated with managing a wedding day itinerary.
A 2022 survey of 2,000 U.S. adults conducted by OnePoll on behalf of CheapCaribbean.com found that 42 percent of respondents saw bachelor and bachelorette parties as more memorable than the weddings themselves.
On Reddit, /u/buckeyebottlerocket discussed the bachelorette-party expectations of a woman named Jane, one of her “best friends” whom she’s known since college.
While Jane and her fiance, Brad, have decided to have a family-only wedding as a cost-saving measure, the bride-to-be has left her friend “irked” by expecting a bridal shower, a weekend trip to an expensive destination for her bachelorette party and gifts from her wedding registry.
The user wrote, “I find it a bit ridiculous that she still expects to have these things thrown by and (presumably) paid for by people that ARENT EVEN INVITED TO THE ACTUAL WEDDING!”
A stock photo of a family at a wedding. A woman is refusing to organize a lavish bachelorette for her friend after being excluded from her wedding.
Siri Stafford/Getty
Newsweek contacted /u/buckeyebottlerocket for comment. We were unable to verify the details of the case.
Elsewhere in the post, the user said Jane had always had a clear idea of how she wanted to get married.
“When talking about our future weddings, Jane has always expressed that she wants me and a handful of our other closest friends to be her bridesmaids and to have a destination wedding,” she wrote.
About a month ago, when the user saw Jane and Brad on the day they got engaged, Jane said she was excited for her to be one of her bridesmaids, the user added.
However, it appears the couple’s plans have changed drastically since then. “They have decided to have a tiny destination wedding in Colorado and only immediate family will be invited to save money,” the Redditor wrote.
“They also plan on having a casual party for all of the rest of their family and friends after, but there will be no ceremony or sit down dinner and will be very clearly NOT a second wedding,” she continued.
Though the user was “disappointed and hurt” at the decision, she understood it was “their right to have whatever kind of wedding they want.”
Still, the user consulted her fellow Redditors to determine whether it would be right to tell Jane that “if she’s not having a traditional wedding she can’t expect traditional wedding benefits,” such as a bridal shower or lavish bachelorette party.
While the poster’s friends were “split” on what to do, social media users appeared to agree that Jane’s demands were a step too far.
“If none of you are invited to the wedding, none of you are bridesmaids. If none of you are invited to the wedding, a gift is not required,” one commenter wrote. Another said, “It’s pretty simple, not a bridesmaid and therefore not responsible for what bridesmaids are expected to do.”
One user accused Jane of treating her friends and family like ATMs. Another offered a compromise: “If you and your friends still want to celebrate her, you can take her out for dinner one night and maybe go to a show or do some activity together.”
Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and the founder of the Protocol School of Texas, told Newsweek of the dilemma, “When it comes to wedding showers and bachelorette parties, if you’re not invited to the wedding, you should not expect guests to attend the other social occasions.”
Gottsman said that if the bride wanted her friend to host such an event, “she should certainly be invited to the wedding,” adding that it was “inappropriate” to expect her or anyone else to organize something without an invitation to the ceremony.
