When thinking about committed relationships, it’s normal to default to the idea of romantic or sexual partnerships. For some, though, a different kind of partnership proves just as meaningful.
Platonic partnerships—without the romance or sex— are popular with people determined to make love work through alternative relationship structures. Over half of millennials, along with Gen Z, say they value friendship above romantic relationships, according to a survey conducted this year by the youth research organization, YPulse.
Meredith Siller, a licensed marriage and family therapist, spoke to Newsweek about platonic partnerships, which, she said, often involve collaboration on living arrangements, finances and intimacy boundaries—things that are usually taken for granted in romantic relationships.
Two women drink coffee at home. Newsweek spoke to millennials about their platonic partnerships.
AntonioGuillem/Getty Images
“Once we throw out culturally prescribed ideas of what relationships should look like, we can create relationships that work for us,” she said. “Everything can be collaborated on.”
To understand these commitments in real life, Newsweek spoke to several millennials in platonic partnerships.
A Deep, Intentional Love
Amanda Katherine, 33, from Chicago, Illinois, shares her life with two people: Kels, whom she names as her queer platonic partner, and Rachel, whom she calls her platonic life partner. Katherine met Kels on a dating app, and the two have been together for almost two years.
“They are a committed partner of mine,” Katherine said. “Our love is unlike anything I’ve ever known. We have weekly date nights, travel together, spend time with each other’s families and are each other’s local emergency contacts.”
Katherine’s connection with Rachel, in contrast, stretches back even further. The two met six years ago as guests on each other’s podcasts and instantly recognized a soulmate connection.
“From the moment we met, we knew we had met a soulmate unlike anything we’d ever known,” she said. “Our relationship is a home that’s been built, nourished and cultivated with intention, care and so much love.” Though they live far apart, Katherine said they stay deeply involved in each other’s lives, with frequent FaceTime calls and visits. Now, Katherine is even preparing to co-parent Rachel’s child.
For Katherine, platonic love defies the societal norms that often center on romantic relationships: “Folks don’t know what is possible when it comes to platonic partnership, because the only thing that is centered is partnership that involves sex,” she said.
Though she advocates for more awareness of platonic intimacy, Katherine is intent that platonic partnerships are not a new phenomenon. The asexual community, she said, has been championing platonic love for ages.
“[Platonic partnerships are] just like any other type of partnership,” she said. “I use the qualifier ‘platonic’ as a tool for education and to help reduce the stigma surrounding partnership, but that’s more for other folks and less for us at this point.”
Although her two platonic partnerships are different, she emphasized a shared depth and intimacy within them that transcend the differences.
“[There is] support and love that bowls me over every single day,” she said. “I can’t imagine a life without either of them in it, and I hope to continue building our love and lives together in a committed way for many years to come.”
Katherine shares educational content about platonic partnership on her TikTok page.
Healing Together
In Florida, Marissa, 32, and Patty, 29, found a different kind of love after they both went through divorces.
Patty, reeling from the end of her marriage, walked up to Marissa at a birthday party and said, “My husband just asked for a divorce, I have no family down here and I’m going to need support. I choose you.” From that moment, the two were inseparable.
“We are platonic soulmates,” Marissa told Newsweek. “We always joke and say we are the husbands we wish we had in our marriages. We just get each other. We have similar views and interests and somehow, never seem to get tired of each other.”
Six months after Patty had asked Marissa to support her during her divorce, the tables turned. Marissa was getting a divorce too—and she knew exactly who she wanted to live with in her new life.
“I called her and said, ‘Hey, I heard you just got rid of one human and two dogs… Well, I’m one human with two dogs and I am getting divorced. Can I move in?'” Marissa said. Since then, the two have moved and built a life together, supporting each other through their emotional recovery and growth.
For the partners, they said the biggest misconception they face is the belief that their bond must be romantic because of the commitments they share.
“There is banter about how we must be involved romantically, but we’re truly just best friends healing together after something that was very dark and hard,” Marissa said.
The duo plan to continue living together and alongside each other—even as they navigate romantic relationships with other people.
“We are very happy with life,” Marissa said. “We want to continue doing life together until death do us part—literally.”
Creating From Scratch, Against Norms
Siller said she believes many people are moving away from the idea that romantic relationships should meet all of a person’s emotional needs.
“Our society has traditionally been structured to benefit heterosexual family units, with a romanticized ideal that each partner should meet all the needs of the other,” she said. “I think more and more people are starting to realize that this fantasy is not realistic—friendships and community are essential for sustainable relationships and well-being.”
Yet, while these views on relationships are shifting, more traditional family units still hold an important promise of security. The structure of a “partnership” holds weight that, instead of being ignored, can simply be integrated into new structures through a broader validation of platonic love.
Still, Siller acknowledged the challenges to platonic partnerships in a world that prioritizes romance and sex.
“People may face discrimination or oppression for not being in a more normative partnership. And because they are not yet mainstream, there are not many models or resources for establishing these types of partnerships,” she said. “Creating something from scratch that goes against norms in this way can be a stressful and isolating experience.”
Despite the challenges, though, Siller believes that these relationships are starting to gain more recognition.
“At the end of the day, these relationships, like any relationships, are two people connecting in a way that that works for them,” she said. “Once we accept that they are possible, without judgment, it can shift how we view the world.”
