The internet has rallied around a 53-year-old woman who shared the backlash to her personal transformation after her marriage ended, in which her children accused her of being selfish and lazy “when it mattered.”
In the post, the woman—who goes by ThatPeach7311—explained to users of popular Reddit forum “AITAH” that she’s been divorced for six years from “Larry,” who cheated on her after a career change. The pair had met as electrical engineering students at college and married shortly after graduation.
For the first decade of their marriage, she believed they were happy. However, things changed dramatically when Larry began attending law school. He underwent what his now ex-wife called a “major glow up,” investing in tailored clothes, fancy haircuts and designer accessories and started working out to transform his “dad bod.”
A couple dispute their divorce settlement in a lawyer’s office. The woman told Redditors that she began focusing on herself a few years after her divorce.
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Meanwhile, the poster was raising their two children “Steve” and “Carla,” managing almost all the household chores and working full-time. “I admit I did not ‘glow up‘ along with Larry. My own appearance has always been on the plainer side—I’m not overweight but a bit stocky (5’5″/140 lbs), simple cut hair, glasses, practical clothes, not much make-up,” she wrote.
As Larry’s career took off, the woman shared that he had several affairs with “conventionally attractive women,” leading the 53-year-old to seek counseling. Her husband dismissed the idea, citing physical features like her “big nose” and “post-baby tummy pooch” as issues that couldn’t be fixed with a simple makeover.
As she was preparing to ask for a divorce, their daughter was hit by a car. Out of concern for their children, the couple agreed to stay together until Carla was well enough to attend college. Afterward, they finalized their divorce and Larry married a 33-year-old. It wasn’t until a few years after the divorce that the original poster (OP) decided to focus on her own appearance.
“Now that my children are grown and out of the house, and I don’t have to worry about tiptoeing around a difficult husband, I finally have time and resources to do so,” she wrote. She colored her hair, lost 15 pounds, revamped her wardrobe and ventured back into the dating world.
Her transformation, however, caused tension with her children, now 27 and 25, who blame her for not putting in the effort during her marriage.
Steve has refused to invite her to his upcoming wedding while Carla has distanced herself from her mother, arguing that the only way for their mother to make things right is to revert to her former self, the OP wrote in her post.
Newsweek spoke to family lawyer and divorce coach Julia Moreno, who has 20 years of experience working with families.
She recognized that reasons for the breakdown of a relationship aren’t straightforward, and noted that the infidelity in this marriage, as well as qualms about a partner’s physical appearance, merely scratch the surface of deeper issues in the relationship.
“The end of a relationship provides a pivotal moment for personal reflection and growth. It offers an opportunity to reassess one’s life and priorities, especially for those, like this woman, who may have devoted themselves extensively to the roles of parent or spouse,” Moreno told Newsweek.
Moreno, who is also the co-founder of divorce coaching firm New Season, told Newsweek that doing work on yourself is most beneficial when it’s positive and centered on an individual’s values, needs and desires rather than on external opinions.
“Unfortunately, not everyone may understand or support these personal changes, like her children, which can be deeply painful,” she said of the OP’s situation.
“However, just as children deserve to pursue their happiness, so too does their mother. Each individual must have the freedom to be true to themselves and to seek their own fulfillment.”
The mom’s post has received 9,400 upvotes and 4,000 comments at the time of writing, with many Redditors siding with her.
One user who was “concerned” by the children’s lack of values wrote, “You are entitled to feelings and to hurt and the things your children are saying to you are cruel.” Another user agreed, calling the woman’s children “shallow.”
“Sounds like they’re blaming mom for dad’s affairs. NTA—those kids should definitely get therapy,” they added.
One Redditor advised the woman to focus on her own life, show her children that she is not just a mother and accept that she cannot control how they react.
“It sounds like you had a rough go of it, and I’m glad you’re turning things around. Maybe it will take a while, but I’d like to think they’ll see how it really was, and how it really is. You deserve to be happy,” they added.
Moreno told Newsweek that accepting the journey a loved one may take toward personal happiness is a profound gift.
“It is my hope that with time and compassion, acceptance will prevail, allowing each family member to thrive in their own right,” she added.
Newsweek reached out to u/ThatPeach7311 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify details of the case.
