The internet has backed a woman for walking out of her boyfriend’s family dinner after he ridiculed her cooking in front of them.
A 26-year-old woman (u/WhisperingOceans3) decided to leave after her boyfriend publicly criticized her cooking, leaving her feeling embarrassed and hurt. Sharing her experience on Reddit‘s “Am I The A******?” (AITA) forum, which received 13,000 upvotes, the woman sparked a conversation about respect, emotional boundaries, and family dynamics.
According to the original poster (OP), her 28-year-old boyfriend made a hurtful comment about her lasagna before they even arrived at his parents’ house, suggesting she could “learn” from his mother’s cooking. She tried to brush it off, not wanting to start an argument before the meal. However, things took a turn for the worse during the family dinner.
“We get to his parents’ place, and as expected, his mom’s lasagna is the star of the meal. Everyone is raving about it, and of course, my boyfriend jumps in to say, ‘Oh man, this is real lasagna. OP tried making it once, but let’s just say, there’s a reason we’re all here eating my mom’s tonight,'” she wrote.
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As his family laughed, he continued to poke fun, accusing her of burning the sauce and joking that lasagna should be left to “the experts.” Embarrassed, OP smiled through the remarks, but her boyfriend’s relentless comments began to wear her down.
“I felt like he was putting me down, especially in front of his family, who I’m still trying to make a good impression with,” she wrote. She then excused herself and went to sit in the car, where her boyfriend followed, confused by her reaction. When she expressed her hurt, he accused her of overreacting.
“I told him that if he thought embarrassing me in front of his family was funny, maybe he should date his mom’s cooking instead,” she said. Her comment angered him, and since then, they’ve barely spoken, with him expecting an apology. She, however, believes he should apologize first, and asked Reddit if walking out was the right decision.
Experts Weigh In
Rachel Goldberg, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, believes this situation falls into a gray area—not because the boyfriend wasn’t insensitive, but because he likely hasn’t considered how his family dynamics influence his behavior.
As the family jokester, he might feel like he’s lifting his mom’s spirits, and there could be an underlying dynamic where his mom feels sidelined when he has a girlfriend,” Goldberg told Newsweek. “For him, this may feel normal, even like a way of showing respect to his mother, but for his girlfriend—and many others—teasing is hurtful.”
Goldberg stressed that communication is key. The boyfriend needs to reflect on how his actions were hurtful from an outside perspective and should apologize. “A conversation where he tries to see things from her perspective—perhaps by imagining himself in a situation where he’s made to feel inferior in front of her family—could prevent future misunderstandings.”
Stock image of an annoyed woman dining. The OP felt upset leading her to excuse herself from the dinner.
shironosov/iStock / Getty Images Plus
Dr. Raquel Martin, a licensed clinical psychologist at the University of Tennessee, said that this situation may be indicative of emotional abuse.
“As a psychologist, I would state that she is not overreacting because this is an indicator of emotional violence. Toxic relationships often involve emotional or physical violence, and emotional violence is a way someone tries to harm or control another person. This can be accomplished by undermining, embarrassing, blaming, shaming, manipulating, or criticizing the victim,” Dr. Martin told Newsweek.
Signs of emotional abuse include being belittled, disrespected, or yelled at, she added.
Abusers try and invalidate their victims by dismissing them and refusing to consider their feelings, needs, and desires.
“Toxic individuals may also attempt to isolate you from friends or family by guilting you into staying home, consistently accusing you of cheating, or trying to monitor your digital activity. This does not have to just be a romantic relationship. It can also be a relationship with a friend or family member as well,” she said.
Reddit Reacts
Reddit users were quick to back the OP’s decision to walk out, labeling the boyfriend’s behavior as unacceptable.
“Stop cooking for this a******. NTA [not the a******],” commented one user.
Another agreed, saying, “Your partner is supposed to lift you up, not tear you down. He was intentionally hurting your feelings to make himself the center of attention. That’s emotional abuse. GET RID OF THIS GARBAGE. NTA.”
“Drop this Mama’s Boy like a bad habit,” echoed a third.
What She Did Next
The OP has since shared an update on how she handled the situation with her partner and thanked the community for their advice.
She decided to sit down with her boyfriend and have an open conversation, establishing how hurt she was about the comment he made and the comparison he made between her and his mom.
“I love cooking and I put a lot of effort into it, so hearing him constantly bring up his mom’s lasagna felt like he was saying mine was not good enough.
“He seemed genuinely surprised and said he did not realize how much it bothered me. He thought he was just teasing and that I knew he was not serious.”
The OP told him she could take a joke, but in this instance, she felt humiliated due to it being in front of his entire family.
“He apologized right away and said he would stop making those comparisons. I could tell he was truly sorry, which made me feel better,” she wrote.
In turn, she apologized to his family for leaving and they were extremely understanding, the boyfriend’s mom even said she would love to try her lasagna.
“Things have been better since then. My boyfriend has been more thoughtful about how he talks about my cooking, and I feel like we have both learned something from this. It is not perfect, but I feel hopeful about where things are going,” she concluded.
Newsweek reached out to u/WhisperingOceans3 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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