A Reddit post has sparked debate after a woman announced that she would skip her close friend’s wedding due to a perceived lack of support.
In the post, the woman, u/roronoa_sakura, shared her story in the “Am I the A******?” subreddit, asking whether she was wrong for deciding not to attend her friend’s courthouse wedding after feeling dismissed about a recent career achievement. Newsweek spoke to psychotherapist Suzette Bray about whether or not the original poster’s response was an overreaction, as condemnation in the comments mounts.
The poster wrote that her friend had chosen a small, intimate courthouse wedding and had asked her to be her maid of honor. However, when the poster shared news of landing a permanent job in another city, her friend responded only with the questions: “When are you leaving? Can you still come to my wedding?” Feeling snubbed of any congratulations, the poster made the decision not to attend the wedding.
A bride appears upset on a couch. A post on Reddit has gone viral after users turned on a maid-of-honor for refusing to attend her friend’s nuptials.
tonefotografia/Getty Images
“Had she told me she had everything booked and that she really needed my RSVP, I would’ve understood her answer,” the poster wrote. “But, in that context, I’ve decided that if the only thing she cares about is her and her wedding, and she can’t be happy for me, I’m not going to the wedding.”
Many Reddit users were quick to label the poster as the antagonist—especially referencing her placement of “wedding” in quotation marks when writing the post, which they argued downplayed her friend’s small courthouse wedding.
“Yes, it’s rude that she didn’t congratulate you for your job, but in your post, you’re denigrating her wedding by putting it in quotes,” u/analyst19 wrote. “It’s clear you were to play an important role that day and you must be close friends if you’re the maid of honor and one of just 10 guests.”
“While your friend’s reaction may have seemed dismissive, it’s possible she was caught up in the stress of wedding planning and didn’t fully process your big news. Weddings, even small ones, can be overwhelming, and she likely values your presence on such an important day,” u/aur0rasexy commented.
One user, u/almaperdida99, even described the poster’s decision as a “tantrum.” They said that, rather than skipping the wedding, she could have just communicated her hurt feelings.
An Expert Opinion
Psychotherapist Suzette Bray told Newsweek that, before jumping to conclusions about the poster’s behavior, it is important to give them some benefit of the doubt.
“In friendships, there’s often a give-and-take of emotional investment. From what I gather, the poster might feel underappreciated or even dismissed by this friend,” Bray said. “In her mind, this wasn’t just about the lack of a ‘congratulations’—it may have tapped into a deeper sense of being undervalued in the relationship.”
Still, Bray said, the poster’s refusal to attend the wedding may not have been the best, or most fitting, response—and devaluing the ceremony as a courthouse affair is certainly not a supportive move to make as a friend.
“Weddings are one-time, emotionally significant events, even courthouse weddings,” Bray added. “If the poster values this friendship and sees a future in it, taking a step back and realizing that a missed congratulations might not be worth missing a major life milestone in their friend’s life could go a long way.”
In the end, Bray said both friends should communicate openly and address their hurt feelings before the wedding day as the best course of action to ensure the importance of the day remains paramount.
“Friendships, like weddings, are about showing up for each other in life’s big moments,” Bray said. “Even when things get a little messy.”
Newsweek reached out to u/roronoa_sakura for comment via Reddit.
