At the end of a long day, many moms will sit on the couch and pull out their phones but they’re not scrolling through Instagram or replying to messages.
There’s a good chance the mom is ensuring that her family keeps running smoothly, from grocery shopping online and booking dental appointments to updating the family calendar and ordering school supplies.
Invisible labor, often referred to as the mental load, describes the constant mental energy required to manage a family’s logistics, and how it disproportionately affects women. It often remains a blind spot for many partners, particularly men.
Pace Webb, Zoe Hardman and Georgia Dayton all explained the mental load—buying groceries, inputting important dates into the calendar, or researching sleep regressions—often isn’t understood by husbands.
@ourhomeflows/@madebymammas
The sight of mothers sitting on the couch in the evening, phone in hand, can lead to accusations of mindless scrolling. But as Zoe Hardman, 40, and Georgia Dayton, 35, explain, appearances can be deceiving.
Their phones aren’t a source of light relief, but a lifeline for managing the hidden responsibilities that keep households running.
They told Newsweek that they’ve been told to stop “playing” on their phones by their husbands on more than one occasion.
“In the evenings, when the kids have gone to bed, we finally have time to catch up on all the admin of the day, which is invariably all via our mobile phones,” Hardman said. The two U.K.-based moms created an Instagram post on their account @madebymammas intending to sum up what the behavior looks like to an outsider versus what is really happening.
“Believe us, we would much prefer the admin was done and we could sit and relax and have a conversation,” Dayton said.
The reality for many moms today is that much of the family’s day-to-day life is managed through their phones.
Pace Webb, a mother and advocate for sharing household responsibilities, highlights how this imbalance often goes unnoticed until the effects of burnout become impossible to ignore.
“So much of what moms do is invisible. The video of a mom sitting on the couch on her phone is incredibly relatable; it often appears as if we are just scrolling or doing nothing. However, the reality is that we are almost always engaged in tasks that keep our family and home running,” the 42-year-old told Newsweek.
She posted an Instagram reel after being inspired by another creator who is known as @the_62_cat on social media. The mom from Los Angeles explained how the mental load can build resentment in a relationship: “This invisible labor is the silent killer that contributes to the mental load, leading to resentment, burnout, and exhaustion. The surprising thing is that most moms don’t even realize it,” she said.
For Webb, the turning point came after the birth of her first child. She said she was breastfeeding on the couch while her husband was working late, and became overwhelmed with unhappiness but couldn’t understand why.
It didn’t matter that she had a healthy, happy baby and supportive husband (with whom she was building a business) when her time was occupied with her thoughts, Webb said.
“I realized that I was essentially gatekeeping everything related to raising our child and managing our home. I wasn’t allowing my husband to share in these responsibilities. I felt completely overwhelmed by the mental load,” she said.
Newsweek spoke to the U.K.-based psychologist Ieva Kubiliute, who explained that this invisible load is frequently mistaken for distraction. Moms might appear to be idly scrolling on their phones when in reality, they are meticulously managing family schedules, coordinating playdates, and attending to various household needs, all while striving to maintain their own mental well-being.
“The emotional toll of this multifaceted role cannot be overstated. Mothers often bear the weight of anticipating their family’s needs, creating a pervasive sense of obligation that can become overwhelmingly exhausting,” Kubiliute told Newsweek.
She emphasized the need for open communication to help lighten the load. Once families start to divide the mental load more equitably, the emotional well-being of both parents can improve.
“By illuminating these often-overlooked efforts, we can foster a more supportive environment that acknowledges and appreciates the extensive and invaluable work that mothers undertake, both in visible and invisible ways,” she said.
Overwhelmed by the mental load and running two businesses, Pace took a proactive approach with her husband about sharing more household responsibilities.
“Like many dads, he is caring, loving, and supportive, but he truly had no idea of the invisible work required for child-rearing and household management. We had numerous discussions—some productive, others challenging—but eventually, he shifted from resistance and defensiveness to recognizing the value of the systems I had created,” she told Newsweek.
With so much to manage on phones, Hardman and Dayton both pointed out that the invisible load can’t be eliminated and is mostly unavoidable.
“We try to keep off our phones in front of the children as much as possible, so the evenings tend to be the small window to catch up on everything. It’s an unfortunate circumstance that nowadays so much of our life revolves around our phones. However, it’s also a positive thing as it’s generally a very efficient way to work through admin,” Hardman added.
