A woman’s candid thoughts on co-parenting have sparked a debate online, with some applauding her honesty and others criticizing her stance.
Lucy Parker, 35, shared on TikTok (@abundantlylucy), “I don’t want to see my kids every day…I don’t want to have my kids full-time.” Her remarks quickly went viral, amassing 205,000 views since she posted the video on September 11.
Parker, a social media manager, told Newsweek that her relationship ended in November 2023, with her ex moving out in April. They agreed to split child care evenly.
“I don’t want them full-time because their dad loves them just as much as I do. There’s no reason to deny him the right to care for and support them equally,” she explained, emphasizing the importance of a father’s role in their daughters’ (Bella, 4, and Parker, 6) lives.
“We both wanted time with the girls, but also realized that after five stressful years, we needed alone time to rediscover ourselves,” Parker told Newsweek. “We had lost our ‘spark’ and got stuck in a rut.”
Screenshots from Parker’s video explaining why she doesn’t want to parent full-time. The video garnered mixed reactions in the comments.
Lucy Parker/TikTok/@abundantlylucy
From the start of their relationship, Parker, who lives in Perth, Australia, was clear that raising the kids was a shared responsibility. She said that if they ever split, her ex would have the children 50 percent of the time unless safety was an issue.
“He always wanted to be a present dad, not just an every-other-weekend dad,” she said.
Parker also opened up about the “constant juggle” between running her business and caring for her kids, explaining that this balancing act contributed to her burnout. As a freelance social media manager, she often works 50-60 hours a week, making it challenging to be fully present for her children. Co-parenting allows her to better manage her work and family life without feeling overwhelmed.
Currently, they have a 60-40 custody arrangement, but by January, they plan to rotate custody weekly. For Parker, this arrangement provides much-needed balance.
“Having the week off will allow me to work without guilt, and when I have the kids, I can be more present and patient,” she explained.
Reflecting on her situation, Parker said she never expected to divorce but now embraces the space to build a new life, find a new partner, make friends and explore new hobbies.
Lucy Parker with her daughters Bella, 4, (L) and Parker, 6 (R). Lucy co-parents the girls with her ex.
Lucy Parker
“Not having the kids full-time lets me do this without disrupting their lives,” she said.
Her daughters have even noticed the benefits of co-parenting. Parker shared a heartwarming moment when her daughter said: “You used to be Anxiety from Inside Out, but now you’re Joy.”
Her children frequently comment on how happy both their parents are now and appreciate the time they spend with each other.
“I’m calmer and appreciate the time with them much more,” Parker said.
‘It Is Crucial That Mothers Open Up’
London-based parenting expert Ana Aznar told Newsweek: “Whether you agree or disagree with this woman, honest posts about motherhood such as this one are invaluable because they open up conversations about what mothers really feel.”
“For decades, society has expected mothers to put everyone’s needs above theirs, to never complain, to never be angry, to never need a break, and to love every single moment of motherhood. This is why, until recently, sharing an opinion like this woman’s was unthinkable,” she said.
“But it is crucial that mothers open up about their motherhood experiences; it is only this way that women can stop feeling guilty or ashamed when their thoughts or feelings about motherhood are not what society expects.”
Aznar points out that men have always taken a more “relaxed” approach to parenting as their role was to be the “breadwinner.” However, times are changing.
“Women are asking them to be more involved in their children’s lives because women cannot do everything on their own, and at the same time, more fathers want to play an active role in their kids’ upbringing,” she said.
TikTok Reacts
So far, the video has over 6,200 likes and almost 1,500 comments, including many mixed reactions.
“Oh wow. This just broke my heart for them a bit. That’s so upsetting,” commented one user, while another disagreed, saying, “She spits the truth that others just aren’t ready to hear.”
Responding to negative backlash, Parker told Newsweek, “They don’t upset me. Everyone parents differently, and that’s ok. My kids are thriving, and that’s all that matters.”
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
