Internet users are divided over a man’s decision to stop paying child support for a child who isn’t biologically his after breaking up with her mother.
Reddit user u/PictureSufficient932 shared his story in the popular “Am I The A*****?” (AITA) thread, saying how he decided to halt financial support for his ex’s daughter following their split. The post, which has more than 7,400 upvotes, sparked an intense debate around what parental responsibility really means.
“I (M28) [male, 28] recently broke up with my girlfriend of six years. When we started dating, her daughter was 3 years old, and now she’s 9,” he began.
“Over the years, I got close to her daughter and treated her like my own, though I was never legally her father. I took her to school, spent time with her, and even helped out financially for things like clothes, school supplies, and some activities,” he added.
“But now that we’ve broken up, I’ve decided that I don’t want to be involved in their lives anymore, especially when it comes to financial support,” the poster wrote.
The man’s ex reached out, pleading for help with her daughter’s expenses, particularly because her biological father wasn’t involved. She said that it was unfair for him to abandon the child after building such a strong bond with her.
“I told her that while I care about her daughter, I have no legal obligation to support her, especially now that we’re no longer together. She’s been calling me heartless, accusing me of leaving her daughter in the lurch after years of acting like a father,” he wrote.
The Reddit user asked: “AITA for refusing to pay child support or take care of my ex-girlfriend’s daughter after we broke up?”
Stock image of family conflict. The internet was divided over the man’s decision.
dragana991/iStock / Getty Images Plus
Experts Weigh In
Rachel Marmor, a licensed mental-health counselor from South Florida, told Newsweek about the emotional complexities of the situation.
“What stands out to me most is the deep emotional impact on everyone involved, especially the child. For six years, the man wasn’t just a partner to his ex—he was a father figure. In her young eyes, he became the primary male presence, someone who provided love, care, and stability. This relationship is not something that can be easily erased, even if the legal bond doesn’t exist,” Marmor said.
The counselor added that the psychological ramifications for the young girl. “For a child who saw this man as her father, his sudden departure isn’t just a breakup—it’s a form of abandonment. Children often take these changes personally, questioning their worth or wondering if they did something wrong.”
Marmor said that, while the man may want to cut ties with his ex, there are ways to navigate the transition with compassion, such as maintaining a relationship with the child without feeling obligated to provide financially.
Tara Arutunian, a licensed psychotherapist from New York, echoed the sentiment that the child’s well-being should be prioritized.
Arutunian told Newsweek: “He was there during her formative years, bonded with her, supported her emotionally and financially, and to the child, he is the father figure she knows.”
Arutunian cautioned against the long-term psychological impact of losing two father figures. “The psychological effects of not one, but two father figures who have abandoned her will likely disturb her psyche as she continues to develop her sense of self.”
Arutunian said the couple must find a middle ground. “The best outcome would be for the two adults to rise above their own desires and work together to develop a compromise that benefits the child in the long run.”
Reddit Reacts
Opinions in the Reddit thread were split, with some defending the man’s choice while others expressed concern for the child.
“NTA [not the a******]. Where is dad? Dad should have been paying child support all along. I do feel sad for the child since she is losing a father figure, tho,” wrote one user, chawn5.
Others expressed that the emotional abandonment of the child was the bigger issue. “The OP [original poster] certainly has no legal obligations, and he shouldn’t be paying child support, but ghosting a little girl who has seen him as a father figure for six years is incredibly harsh,” commented squirrelfoot.
Some users, however, defended the man’s position, writing that the responsibility should not rest on his shoulders indefinitely. “He’s no longer in a relationship with the mother, is he supposed to just be there for the child forever? It sounds so silly. Sucks for the kid but it’s not reasonable for him to play surrogate father forever to a kid that isn’t his. NTA all round in my opinion,” posted Pristine_Juice.
One commenter offered a more compassionate compromise, writing that, while the man isn’t obligated to provide financially, he should give the child some emotional closure. “If I was you I would write her a letter explaining how much you care and love her and always will, but the relationship isn’t working out. Not because of her but issues between you and her mother,” the user wrote.
Newsweek reached out to u/u/PictureSufficient932 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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