A woman who was forced to choose between giving her wedding dress to her sister, or not attending her wedding, has been backed on Reddit for not giving in to her sister’s demands.
The woman, who did not give her name but explained she was 28 years old and got married last year, explained the “highlight” of her ceremony was her wedding dress.
Describing it as her “dream dress,” she said: “I felt like a princess and still get emotional just thinking about it.”
Now, however, her sister, 26, is preparing to get married—and has asked to “borrow” her dress, but with a few alterations.
A stock image of a wedding dress. A woman’s request to “borrow” but irreparably change her sister’s wedding dress has caused a family drama.
ASphotowed/Getty Images
The woman took to Reddit’s AITAH sub to ask if she was in the wrong for how she responded to her sister’s request, and her post, under the username u/Budget-Jaguar-1990, has had a huge response online, with over 17,000 upvotes.
Newsweek has contacted u/Budget-Jaguar-1990 on Reddit for comment on this story.
Wedding expert Zoe Burke, editor of Hitched.co.uk, told Newsweek: “Your wedding dress is an incredibly special and sentimental purchase, and regardless of how much you’ve spent on it, you reserve the right to decide what happens to it next.
“It’s a really personal item, and many newlyweds hang on to theirs to be able to show it to or even pass it down to future generations. I can totally understand why this woman doesn’t want her sister to adapt her dress.”
The woman revealed that her sister wants to “repurpose” her dress, by shortening the skirt or even dyeing it a different color, to make it “unique to her.”
The woman told her sister she was not comfortable with her changing the dress that has such sentimental value to her. Her sister kicked off, calling her “selfish” for not supporting her in trying to save money and accused her of “not caring about her big day.”
Their parents then got involved, urging her to share with her sister as she was “done with the dress” and pleading with her to let her sister “have her way” to avoid any drama.
Wedding photographer Tola Ajibade of MythicVoice LLC Atlanta told Newsweek that weddings are “often a source of conflict for families.”
“The older sister clearly does not have the same values and priorities as the rest of her family,” he said, but that it is “reasonable to have a sense of loss aversion at the realization that something that holds so much meaning for [the OP] is going to be fundamentally altered.”
Backing the woman, he suggested it was “weird that the family wouldn’t just tell the little sister to find another dress since the wedding is six months away.”
“The family’s pleadings for the older sister to ‘stop the drama’ in this situation may mean that similar scenarios have arisen in the past,” he said.
Things came to a head when the OP’s sister told her she wouldn’t be welcome at the wedding unless she allowed her to use the dress, and the woman is considering missing the wedding to save her dress.
Reddit users responded in a big way, with her post gaining over 5,000 comments. Many backed the woman, with one summing it up: “It’s your dress, and your sister is being unreasonable.”
“Your parents and your sister are using emotional blackmail,” another insisted, while a different person urged her to “enjoy your night away from family wedding drama. You and your husband will save time and stress not being at this wedding.”
As another put it: “You don’t just get to decide to claim somebody else’s sentimental property. Let alone decide to hack it up and change colors. I would refuse to go under any circumstances.”
Burke took a softer approach, suggesting the woman explain again the sentimentality of the dress and that she wants to keep it intact, but added, “not that this really needs justifying.”
“And to defuse the potential drama, perhaps look for dress options that are similar to what the sister has in mind, so she can still get her dream dress without having to cut up anyone else’s,” she suggested.
If you have a similar family dilemma, send an email to life@newsweek.com with your first name and general location. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
